It's the binge-watch apocalypse, but a lot of people are probably limited to the one or two streaming services they can afford. I think it's time for some tips on that most ancient and mysterious of arts: I N T E R N E T P I R A C Y

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Caveat: don't do this if it offends your moral sensibilities. Like if you wouldn't download a car? Don't do internet piracy. Also, if you could download a car, how cool would that be

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Other caveat: if you already know this stuff, cool! If you know stuff I don't, please share! But a lot of people don't, including people who follow you, and people who count on you to do the piracy. Give a person a fish, they eat for a day. Teach them to download a fish,

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The second trick, and the easiest thing that anyone can learn, is: internet search "THING I WANT TO WATCH watch free online"

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The first page of results will be a bunch of things like "watch tv free 2019" and "1 2 3 watch video dot net" and "streaming solar video dot russia". These are good. Sift through, you should see at least one that plays a real video. Click a button like "server 2" if you see one

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The "watch free online" sites just aggregate videos that people have uploaded elsewhere. There's no risk in using these, at least legally. The risk is to the hosting site, so sometimes they have to take down the videos. That's why you'll see different "server" options.

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The next best place to find things, especially movies and music that are new or popular, is torrents. You might be scared of torrents, because the industry wants you to be. It's easier to instill fear than it is to actually track and cite people for sharing.

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Not that they don't track! They do. Especially for very new movies and shows, the industry watches popular torrents and sends notices to your ISP. I've had like seven notices at the place I currently live. The last one was as long as my arm

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The thing is, notices don't really.. *do* much. The ISP interrupts your usual browsing with a stern message, asks that you admit to being 18, and click a button that says "I won't do this again." That's all. It escalates if you keep getting busted, but not very much.

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One time I had so many notices that they made me call the ISP and talk to a real, live person. That person said "What I need you to do, is say to me, you won't do any pirating. Then I can turn it back on." I said "I won't do any pirating!" and like that -- we're back.

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Besides, it's easy to avoid being busted. You just don't upload. They only bother people who are uploading. Morally, is this good? To leech and not to share anything in return? I don't know, whatever, we're pirates, who cares

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So the simple way to torrent is this: get a torrent client called Transmission. There are other clients, but this is the one I know. It is not full of spyware. Other clients might be. Do your own research, but also, just get Transmission.

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Then internet search "the pirate bay" and go to the top link. It shifts domain names pretty often but this should get you to a torrent searching site. And because you got uBlock Origin, you're not immediately bombarded with sketchy porn ads. Type "THING I WANT" in the search box

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Find the version of the thing you want -- 720p or 1080p is a big criteria, but basically you want the one that's in your language (ENG for me) and has the most Seeders and Leechers. Those are people sharing the whole file or part of it, and they are going to send the file toyou

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You can click the little magnet icon to make Transmission open right away. Torrents are the easiest way to get popular stuff, because the more people share it, the faster it downloads. You still have to wait for it to download, but it's the old standby for a reason

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There are other services for more esoteric things. There's Soulseek, for instance, a program that is definitely centralized and for some reason hasn't been hit with a lawsuit for like twenty years. It's great for obscure music and ebooks, but I wouldn't get TOO illegal there

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Or take mobilism dot org, where I've seen many ebooks and android apps. Like many bulletin-board warez sites, it wants a login. Don't make an account. Just go to https://t.co/6HDLfHk2Tl and find one someone already made, and sign in using those credentials

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Of course, in the age of chatrooms it's often about WHO you know. Many Discord servers and FB groups are full of people who would happily send you a file. One Discord I recently saw had shared a Google Drive full of movies from all eras, with instructions on how to download them

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If you really love the part of Netflix where you scroll through seven million little pictures before watching some hollywood explosion movie after all, well, there's always Popcorn Time: https://t.co/ltjfiyMvn3 works just like streaming. NB IT WILL PROBS GET YOU BUSTED.

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With Popcorn Time you can't turn Uploads to 0.0Kbps, like you can in Transmission. If you can't turn off uploads, you can't avoid getting busted. But like I said earlier, that's often like a 4 second problem where you just click "sure boss" and it goes away.

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If you're worried about supporting your favorite artists or directors or something, SEND THEM SOME MONEY. Or buy some merch or whatever. You know Spotify and Amazon ain't sending them shit, right? Like point zero zero zero zero zero zero fuckall

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IN CONCLUSION: You should download a car, it's free, it doesn't hurt anyone and you probably won't get busted. Plus if you do, well, you've got a getaway vehicle. Godspeed, you filthy buccaneers!

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should I whip up a Joe Biden deepfake yet? or nah

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